PRINT ON DEMAND IS A SUCKER’S GAME

I‘m No Mathemagician – but…

You see a lot gum-flapping about making money with a merch store. You CAN make money. You can also spend a whole hell of a lot with zero possibility of ever recouping it. Even worse, you can do it and waste tons of time and dough AND look like shit…

Let‘s say you sell a tshirt online for $25. With the majority of print on demand suppliers, you’re going to be paying them in the neighborhood of $13 for production.
Great. You made $12!
Sort of…

Did you pay for the design? Let’s say you got it done cheap. $200.

That means that you’re in the red for the first 16 shirts. Just for the design.

Advertising? Let’s say you chuck $30 at Facebook ads.

That’s another 2 shirts.

Your time?

How about a website? Those can get expensive…

What I’m Saying…

Look… I’m not saying don’t do it. I’m just saying don’t kid yourself. If you start a merch store, it’s gonna take time to recoup that “investment.” And by investment, I mean the blood, sweat, and tears (and money) you’ll pour into figuring out how to get your product in front of a market that may or may not be asking for it. It can be a grind.

But your Good Old Uncle Jimbo™ and DumbestProducts can help you sidestep some of the most painful bits the whole operation.

How it works:

I handle your page setup and getting all your gear set up with Printify.
You set the price. Sell a shirt for $500. That’s fine with me! You tell your people. Send the link. Email. MARKETING.
If something goes sideways, Jimbo takes the heat.
We split the proceeds.* They’re not massive – but your brand doesn’t need to be selling out arenas to make a couple of bucks.

Quality: We sell good quality stuff like Comfort Color tees that fit right and are made to last. Margins are thinner because I use only the most premium materials available. The tees will feel amazing though, and people won’t complain about them – believe me, I’ve heard all the feedback. Stickers, mugs, random crap? We don’t sell junk.

Shipping: Yeah, I know, you’ve heard it all before. People are gonna whine if their stuff is late. And sometimes, even with Printify’s localized printing and fulfillment centers, things happen. Normally, products will arrive within a week, but if not, take a deep breath. Your customers will yell at me instead of you.

Plausible Deniability n’ Profits! That’s the DumbestProducts way!

Why You SHOULD Sell Merch…

You have a business or brand. People like you. Maybe they support you. Give them another way to show it.
Branded shirts, mugs, and stickers don’t just generate a little extra income. They help spread the word every time someone wears your shirt, sticks your logo on a laptop, or drinks their morning coffee.
Expand your brand or idea. Let me deal with the details..

What People Are Saying…

BEFORE DumbestProducts

“I was the sad because I make the doodles and the people who buy doodles want shirts but I am from land of whale and our internets run on oil lamps. So I no set up a store. Also, take time away from stealing snowmobile. Is no a win for Pyaa.”

Pierre P.
Cartoonist/Liver Spread

“Every morning, I checked my shop for orders. Every morning, the same nothing stared back. Over time, I began to understand the nothing. I gave it a name. I dressed it in my unsold hoodies. It is warm now. Warmer than I am. “

Tanya L.
Stylist

“The dream was passive income. There’s nothing passive about products no one asked for in a store no one visits. I’m praying that strangers buy a shirt that says ‘Vibes Manager’ while my credit card interest metastasized a second, larger credit card. “

Karl M.
Juggler

AFTER DumbestProducts

“Now I sell the shirts and make the face of double happy. Jimbo save me from having to deal with money and people all mad. Have more time for comic malfeasance and – how you say – the cheese?“

A Leveled Up Pierre P.
Saved by DumbestProducts!

“I don’t know why I didn’t go with DumbestProducts sooner. Sure, I don’t make quite as much per piece, but it’s essentially free money. Jimbo thinks he’s fleecing me, but I feel like I’m REALLY screwing him over. Idiot.”

A Revitalized Tanya L.
Transformed by DumbestProducts!

“Welp. I don’t know how much more passive it can get. I throw the shirts up on Dumbest Products, Jimbo assumes all the risk and hassle and I can get back to archiving my granny scat por… I meant recipes. Thanks, Jimbo!”

The NEW Karl M.
Totally Not Ripped Off by DumbestProducts

Ready to Do It The Dumbest Way?

SO, YOU’RE READY TO QUIT SCREWING AROUND WITH PRINT ON DEMAND?

Cool. Make ME do it. I see how it is.

Here’s how it works:

We have a chat and I set up your page. I’ll need a cover image (at least 1200×1200 pixels,) and a description of your “store.”

Then, I’ll need the art. My POD provider requires a transparent PNG. 3600 pixels wide is ideal.

Give me product titles and descriptions. Tell me what you want to sell them for – seriously. Could be ANY price, so long as there’s no loss.

I set the products up, publish them and we split the final proceeds 50/50. Please read the caveats below.

That’s it. I’ll send you a monthly report – otherwise, I’ll split the payment the minute it comes in.

Now – what are you waiting for? GET DUMB! GET PAID!

Das Kleingedruckte!

Seriously. Read these.

1: Nobody Gets Rich Selling T-Shirts

Print-on-demand margins aren’t huge. A typical shirt might generate around $15-20 in gross profit before fees, taxes, payment processing, and the other tiny creatures that feed on online commerce.

We’ll split what’s left 50/50.

If you’re looking to retire on novelty mugs, I admire your optimism.

2:Fees Exist. They Always Win.

Payment processors take their cut. Sales tax happens. Shipping costs money (and usually more than quoted.) By the time everyone has had their nibble, roughly 20% of the transaction has already wandered off.

That’s just ecommerce.

3: Marketing Is Mostly Your Job

Dumbest Products has an audience, but it isn’t a marketing machine.

I’ll absolutely promote interesting projects when I can, but I don’t promise traffic, SEO, or sales.

You’re welcome to:

Run your own ads.
Promote your own page.
Use a custom URL.
Build your own audience.
Ask me to simplify your landing page if you think it’ll help conversions.

Think of me as the store, not the advertising agency.

4: No Setup Fee

I can usually get your shop online pretty quickly.

If you’re a good fit, I’m not interested in charging you just to exist.

5: Customer Service

If something goes wrong with printing, shipping, production, or fulfillment, I’ll handle it.

If someone wants to discuss commissions, artwork, custom work, or your creative process, that’s your department.

I’ll happily forward emails when appropriate.

6: Returns

Actual production problems are rare, but when they happen, we’ll make them right.

Most issues end with a replacement rather than a refund.

Someone simply deciding they don’t want the shirt anymore isn’t really how print-on-demand works.

If we ever start seeing an unusual number of returns, we’ll figure out why together.

7: Reporting

This isn’t Goldman Sachs. I’ll send your share as sales come in.

If we eventually reach the point where taxes, accounting, and spreadsheets become exciting topics of conversation, congratulations. You’ve probably outgrown this arrangement and should seriously consider opening your own store.

When that day comes, I’ll help you do exactly that.

Honestly, I’d rather help you build your own successful business than keep you dependent on mine.

One More Thing

This is intentionally informal.

I’m interested in working with people whose work I like and whose company I enjoy.

If we both make a little money while putting strange things into the world, that’s a successful outcome.

If one of us starts acting like a Fortune 500 legal department, we’ve probably lost the plot.

Who This Is For

You’re probably a good fit if:

You already have an audience, even a small one.
You make weird, interesting, or distinctive work.
You’d rather create than learn the logistics of print-on-demand.
You’re okay with modest but real income instead of lottery-ticket expectations.

If that sounds like you, I’d love to talk. Let’s make something wonderfully questionable together.